Special Friends

  One consistent thing throughout life has been the persistent feeling of being misunderstood.  A constant nagging sensation of the need to explain myself to my companions. It often leads to a containment of thoughts and a habit of the phrase, "never mind", or "oh, nothing".  Not because I am really thinking nothing or that what I have to say is inconsequential, but because I don't feel that my listener would understand or even could understand. I shrink from the idea that my idea is above the person or superior to them, rather it's just a different perspective or way of thinking that I feel is hard to explain or grasp. My thinking is not superior, just alien.  And often my statements come out in fragments, half way in the middle of a thought, lacking context for my listener(s). Free association often strikes fast and leads me down various pathways at once abandoning my companions in what is to me, the past.

Scatterbrained? I'd like to think not. In my own world? In some ways; nevertheless I feel that I have a tight grip on reality. I believe my reality just has more dimensions than that of some. Why? That my patient reader, is the quest that has been thrust upon me and is, in some ways, a personal burden.

When I was a teenager, my mom once said that I was on a "different frequency". At first glance, one could interpret that to mean that as a kind way of saying that I was not normal, that I was strange. That leads to the discussion of "normal" and "strange"; a multi-paged essay in its own right. She didn't mean broken though, or outcast; her context was in relation to what has lead to this entry. She followed that by saying that an older male friend of mine, older by a span of decades, was on the "same frequency" as me. This was to explain how a youth could feel a real friendship with an older person, and yet not have many with those of his own peer group. Which leads to a discussion of who are really an individual's "peers".  To prevent infinite digression, while still having taken a moment to establish some context, I'll press to the conclusion.

When true peers feel to be far and few between, it's refreshing and invigorating to stumble upon one. Their identity is known very quickly and is often a surprise. That fragmented thought can come out of your mouth and the other person is somehow able to understand. When that seemingly random statement of mine springs into dialog, and it can automatically be linked to the common source experience we've shared with a look or a single follow-up word; sometimes without any further explanation at all. It's almost as if some telepathic link is there...as if there is really an invisible frequency that you both can hear. That multi-dimensional reality that often feels exclusively personal is perceived and occupied by others!

It's a reminder that you're not alone. That you are understandable and are understood. It's reaffirming and is special. These people are rare and precious, more so that any possession. Their acquaintance must be guarded and protected. These are my special friends.